Somewhere around 6 weeks, it was like a fog cleared from my life. We had been bogged down in feeding issues, dealing with sleeplessness, and adjusting to our now forever changed lives. Suddenly we got used to everything, had a bit of a routine, and best of all, Baby Ben SMILED at us! Not just sleep smiles or milk coma smiles, he actually smiled while looking straight at me. He began to interact more, coo at me, and track our faces while we held him. Turns out there was more to this little bundle of joy than just eating, pooping and crying.
If you have kids, you know what I am talking about. If not, you will someday! You live for that smile, you will do anything for that smile. That smile will erase all the bad memories of sleeplessness from the night before. I often find myself complaining to my friends or acquaintances who do not have kids about all the horrible things about having kids: tired, never get anything done, don’t see your friends, breastfeeding is hard, I hate my body, my in-laws drive me crazy, blah, blah, blah. Then, they look at me like, “Why the heck would you want to have kids?” I get this goofy smile on my face just thinking about Ben’s face when he smiles at me. I try to explain the magic behind that smile, but until you’ve experienced it yourself, you just don’t understand how one little smile can erase the downsides to parenting.
He smiles when I have been at work all day and he sees me for the first time. He smiles when he wakes up to eat at 2am. He smiles when we play games. He smiles at himself in the mirror. He smiles when I fly him through the air or balance him on my legs. I find myself doing lots of silly things for that smile. It’s what I live for.
Now that he is really good at grabbing things, he starts to grab my arms when I am holding him on my hip. It makes me feel needed, wanted. That’s what a baby is good for, right? Making you feel like you are needed or wanted? I can’t wait until he can say “mama” or reach his arms up, wanting me to hold him.
It seems every stage gets better than the last. I remember at 6 weeks I was thrilled when he had a smile here and there and would look at our black and white books with awe. At the time, I couldn’t imagine it gets any better than that.
But it does. It gets so much better. I know I am not even aware of all the fun and challenges that lay ahead of us. But somehow, that little smile makes it all a little more bearable.
